There are things we never think are going to happen to us. We never expect them, we just believe it's something meant for others, but not for ourselves, so that's why we never even consider how we would react.
It all started six moths ago. Very innocent and subtle. The customary breast exam you get when you are past forty.
People subsconciously go there as if they already knew the results. As if they were only doing it for a clear conscience or something. For mere superstition. I should know, I accompanied my mom.
When the exam was finished, the doctor told us there was something there. That was surely nothing. She was calmed.
That afternoon, she called us again. Urgent. My mom needed to get an autopsy next week. Inmediatly.
My mom got the autopsy. But she always thought it would be nothing. Because I think it's our mind's way of protection.Of leaving out all the hard stuff. Not that we can actually get away from them.
A week passed, and a lot of things changed in how I viewed life. In who I was as a person. But that week, is a whole other story. The point is, it helped me. It gave me the neccesary tools to go through a lot. Because you can never change the facts, you can only change the lens through which you look at them. That week, I got a new set of lenses.
That week, I came to sense that something would happen. Maybe it was just another of our mind's way of preparing us, of making us tough, a whole other kind of defense. So I started making the case in my mind.
What if my mom had cancer?
Were would that leave not just our relationship as a family, but our situatuion, how would that little fact change our lives?
I came back home that week to know that my mom has cancer. Since that day, I have only cried twice over it. When I found out, and the day I told my friends. The day I first said the words out loud.
But that was it. Because I knew and know that I have to keep going. I can't stop over this. I had to just make the most of the cancer. Analyze the situation and find the hidden assets and opportunities. That would be the truly hard part. Once I started seeing the good side, then there would be a different focus. Just to get past it, picking the roses in the way.
So I did. You have no idea how much I have learned from this. How much it has changed me, how much I have matured. I'm a different person since. It has deeply changed the very foundations of what we were as a family.
I still have ambitions and dreams. The difference is that now, I focus more in the present than in the future. I realized that there are other important things than to just work for what's next. We must learn to work for what we need, before we start wishing for what we want.
We, as a family lived with the false idea that we should work as ants and save until we were rich. Then, once we got all the money, we would give each other the chance of truly living and enjoying.
Now, we just live the moment. A day at a time. Enjoying every second of every minute. Not saving for the future. Just, making the most of what we already have.
I learned family is all I've got. We are born and dead alone. Some friends you find out they are not real, they were made out of supositions and convinience. Others, are rather focused in themselves. And that others, might prefer to look the other way. That leaves only a few to count with.
My perspective on life also changed drastically. Well, not on life exactly, but on its purpose and priorities.
Life's focus is no longer only about big achievements, grades, amount of parties I attend, fancy cars and clothes..but on.. evolving, improving. Of being both the pilot and co-pilot. Of being the pilot of my life, and the co-pilot of others. So than I can be the teacher and the alumni at the same time. So that I have the opportunity to teach others what I have learned so far, and so that others can teach me their expirience and share their views. So that maybe, I can help the world. Change it. Show those who don't know, or are in the search for life's big answers, that the change must start in ourselves. It is true we can't change the world alone. But if we are not better, how do we expect others to be?
Life is no longer full of regrets. If bad things hadn't happened, then we wouldn't be tough and therefore unprepared.
If we hadn't done stupid things, reckless things, evil things, selfish things.. then how would we learn? How would we know what's right, if we have never been wrong?
And I know, that life gave me this, among other charges, because I am capable of making the most of it and living it the right way. Or at least, that's what I tell myself to find peace.
Find peace everytime my mom looks at me and tells me she can't do it anymore. She can't have another chemo. Everytime she tells me she is tired, she feels bad, she's pissed, she is sad, that she just wants it to be over...
I realized things don't happen and aren't made with a premeditated purpose. They have a reason to be, even when we don't want to admit it. And even if they just happened, we are the ones that pick their destiny. We decide what their mission will be.
WG
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