"Happiness"

I read this article today on the living section of, I promise, the best online newspaper, The Huffington Post.
It is a quite intersting piece. If you read the antecendent, you might like it even more, nevertheless, as a stand alone piece, it's good. A bit cruel. But realist.
Here I adhere the http direction for you to read it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russell-bishop/men-arent-all-that-happy_b_325414.html.
Here are a few points I wanted to comment about.
"The quality of your life experience may have less to do with what happens to you and more to do with how you choose to respond". This is part of the article. And is what I've always saying. Things might come with a reason, but you give them the purpose,outcome and mission. By choosing. By reacting. By perspective. As Russel points, we can't live our lives with the infamous "If only", like I often do; an example being my entry about how IF I had the money things would be easier. It's true. But not real. And why getting all worked up over fiction? better to focus on real things that we can actually change here and now. Also, the article talks about how little "If only" succesful people and situations exist. When we win, of course we never blame it neither on the circumstance nor on someone else. But when it comes to failures or incapacities, which might not be our fault or decision, we disguise it. Blaming. But let's not blame, but look for solutions.

"In general, people are unhappy because they have compromised in some way. They either compromised in the relationship they got involved in, the job their working etc. When you settle for less than you desire or deserve, you aren't quite as happy. We are the some total of the choices we have made in life. What we are now is the result of how much we've compromised."
This is an intersting analisis on the situation by a site commentarist. Interpreting it, I think this might have something to do with being mediocre. Or al least the part of "when you settle for less than you desire or deserve". And the last part reminds me of "bet big, win big". More direct way of saying it, though.

"And on and on. Women are EXPECTED to have emotions and are encouraged to express them. Men are told in many ways, both overt and subvert, to NOT express them, and when they do, the ones they express are somehow inappropriate. I gave up a long time ago. This comment is absolutely serious, but it's so ingrained in our culture that most people never notice it."
This is also a commetary. I have to admit, I didn't expect this. I guess subconsiously I always knew this, but decided not to aknowledge it. Because I'm a huge feminist. And this was the moment I recognized men's troubles and charges as well. We women might be harshly judged by society in almost everything, but society also puts really harsh laws on men. At least women are recognized to have the right to say how we feel, and it's okay, since we are 'hormonal' 'susceptible' 'soft' 'intense' 'overwhelmingly emotional' 'jumping to conclusions easily', etc. Men, are supposed to be 'tough' 'practical' 'permanent poker faces' 'masculine' 'full of testosterone and empty of feelings' 'not sensitive' 'in charge', etc. And it actually got me wondering what is worse: To have a huge charge, but to be able to show it, and therefore your overcoming publicly acknowkedged; or to have a huge charge, but this one being secret, so that even if you manage to gain success, it is not so acknowledged since your purpose and desires are unknown to everyone but yourself? What is more frustrating?
I was really really really becoming less of a feminist when I read that and started thinking. Until another comment was published:
"I'm happy as long as I'm getting laid
you see that is the key to happiness as a man"
To whoever wrote that, I'd like you to know you totally screw it.
I think it is so inmature to say that. Sex is totally overrated by men (and, ok, some women). Not that I don't like it, but c'mon, are you really putting the weight of your happiness and fullfillment on a booty call or spontaneous hookup with someone either drunk or so frustrated that can't find someone that actually cares about them to have sex with? C'mon. That must definately be a lame, cliche, inmature excuse and/or cover. No human being can actually believe that is happiness. Not real happiness at least. Joy? Perhaps. But I remind you, the difference between joy and happiness is that joy is temporal and defined by moments and happiness is more permanent and defined by our personal satisfaction with ourselves.
Want to be joyful? Me too. We all want that. But first I want to be happy.
Like I once read, "Happiness is not only what you recorded, but also how you choose to remember".
"You could not chance the facts; only change the lens through which you looked at them"



WG