First

So, today was the first of my little experiment- the truth countdown.
Unfortunately, today was a bit too much of an ordinary sunday-like thursday, which is my way of saying, nothing particularly intersting happened, nor new truths were created for our countdown. Buut.

That doesn't mean confessions can't be made, right? Because even though there's nothing new to be added to the list, old things can always be unearthed.
Today my first crush's birthday. My first little date, back when I was 12. Now that I think about it, I was real mean with this boy. We started as best friends, and I remember when at least 4 of the girls in my clasroom had a crush on him. I remember how I felt the butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him, every time we talked.. I remember when I met his mother. I was going to the movies with some girlfriends when he told me he was at the same mall buying books with his mom. I went to say hi, never in the world expecting him to introduce me to his mother, but that was in fact what he did, with his mom and his little sister.

I also remember how I liked the idea of him more than anything else. He was this guy who was charismatic, friendly, funny, football player-even popular- but at the same time was the kind of boy who would tell me that he loved to read, study and being a straight A student. He was a bit in the cocky side, yes, but still. He was what every parent would've wished for his little girl.
Until, of course, as usual, the little girl got scared of too much affection.

And yes, that was how it happened. We hadn't been together not even for two months (we were fucking 12) when the guy had the brilliant idea to buy my a watch with his savings- not exactly a cheap watch, if I'm allowed to add. That's when I think things started to cool off and he became less and less intersting for me. I ended things with him with the excuse that I supposedly 'liked' two other guys- who I barely talked to.
Then I had other boyfriends, and he continued to be there as a bf. All the while deep down, I liked knowing that he was there. That somehow, he was sort of still mine (strong feeling for a 13 year old, I know). We stopped being close without noticing, until now, when we barely say hi to each other. Wouldn't I been doing this little experiment, and I never would've congratulated him today. But I did. Sort of?
I said happy birthday. I did. Then he said thanks, added the typical 'we should get together sometime baby' line, and after that, I just didn't respond.

The truth? I've always kept a left eye on him. On the one that got away, but shouldn't have. The one that I know right know would be a great friend. I even felt a little jealous when I found out he had as a girlfriend a little freshman that I definately, definately, don't symphasize with. I guess he represents a period of my teen life. He represents an old pair of Levi's. The best I could get, the best quality, comfort, beauty... that I changed for a pair of newer, trendier jeans. I stopped using the Levi's, and realized I wanted to feel that comfort again, only to realize they didn't fit anymore. Nevertheless, I always kept them in my closet.
Until today. When I just looked at them and wasn't able to remember what was it that made them special in the first place.

now, time for a good night's sleep-