"Death"

Life is hash. Is tough. It hands in the test first, the lesson afterwards. But I can find no way in which I would be able to quit this world. Not under my decision at least.

Today something really bad happened. A girl my age committed suicide. She hung herself. Her parents were traveling, so her brother found her in the morning hanging from the roof when he was about to wake her up for school.
I had heard about suicides. I had read about them in newspapers. I had heard about people who had done it. But in all of those times, never had it happened to me that I was able to put a face and name to the person. Never had it happened that I remembered the girl walking past me and hearing my friend's stories about her...
I never kenw her. She was from other school. But one of my best friends, did knew her, and in fact, was one of her best friends too. I heard about her all the time. I had heard she had some issues with the boyfriend, alcochol and even heard something about drugs (which I do not know if it is true), but never had anyone specified the state of deep deppression or saddness this girl must have been in. And today when I heard about it, it hit me. It definately moved me. It got me thinking things like, why the hell someone my age would want to suicide? What must be happening to her-anyone- to get to that point? How could she have the courage to get a cord, make not, tie it to the ceiling, putting it around her neck and letting go? How?! I don't get it.
Apparently, the girl had already cut herself once. But still, how could she? I can't even start to imagine how bad and lonely she must had felt in order to do that.
I thought about how many times I make someone feel bad, either unconsiously or conciously. How often, I, without thinking, just choose not to be nice to someone because I think she is weird or ridiculously dramatic or whatever. When the truth is, I am nothing and have no right to do harm to anyone unprovocked, and I don't really know the story behind that person, nor what is really going on inside her head.
Truly, I can't say I know the specifics of this girl and her friends, because I don't, but I imagine it must have been quite similar. Deppressions that are so deep in order to make you kill yourself don't occur overnight. People must have seen something. They had too. But choose to do nothing. And hey, I'm not blaming, I'm like that at times. But that it is truly no one to blame doesn't mean it's not true, or that the facts weren't there. I think about maybe, how a little smile would've changed her mind. How maybe, a little gesture of 'I notice you', might have made her feel less lonely.

And still, I can't say I understand the girl. I can't say, knowing myself, that being in her situation I would've done the same, because I can't remotely imagine myself doing that under any circumstance. But I guess she could've said the same months ago too. Really, we just need to start appreciating our lives more. We need to think that suffering is only a proof of how alive we are. How vivid and full of life and emotions we are. There is absolutely nothing that can't be overcomed or solved. Nothing. You name the problem. Drug addiction? how many ex-drug addicts aren't alive and with a happy family now a days?. Nerdy? how about Bill Gates? don't think you could be him?. Lonely? who more lonely than the shipwrecked?, and still, he did it. Loveless? guess what? who hasn't been lonely once?!.

Guess what I'm trying to tell you is don't even think about doing it under those excuses. Because really, they can all be overcomed. Just with patience, perseverance and courage. For those of you who have thought about it, just focus about investing that same huge amount of courage needed to end your lives in making sure you defeat those fears and difficulties.
And for those of you who haven't thought about it, try to be more sensitive towards those who are overly sad or mad, because if they are like that, it's probably because they are undergoing hard times.
Only someone as bad as Hitler has true reasons to end his life. I know each of you is better and has a lot to offer.

WG