"The battle of a lifetime"

The constant fight between doing the right thing and being the best.
Such a difficult battle. Mostly in a culture were second place is the first looser.
I was watching a tv program today about steroids, met and other drugs. The one that stunned me the most was one whose name started by a, I think. It was something like addler, but I'm not entirely sure. I've never heard of this drug, apparently it is used by high school and college students in order to improve grades. It enhances memory and fastess the learning process.
The program focused on how we are a nation under steroids. How all of us, are taking drugs. How many publicity ads do we see while watching tv promoting a new pill? There is a pill for everything from headache to memory now. Even the U.S soldiers are under drugs while fighting. They give it to them so that they are energized and more aware. Our sports' competitors are in steroids. Housewives take pills in order to be skinnier. Men take supplements in order to be more musculous. Students take pills to improve grades. Our whole society is drugged.
The program showed how many of these suplements to be skinnier or more musculous were made. People bought the products in places like Mexico, ordered them through the internet or indirectly and "innocently" asked a doctor to prescribe them. Once they had the ingredients, they were made at home. Each bottle costs approximatly 1,40$ to be made, and is sold in 60$. The advertising pictures of the famous 'before and after' are photoshopped. Not real AT ALL. In the before picture, the model doesn't has any makeup on, nor is he waxed or tanned. In the after photo, he has makeup on, no chest hair, artificial tan, andd artifial muscle definition provided by photoshop.
And then there is us. The stupid consumer. The ones that see the picture, and buy the product. Even the guys that take steroids and appear on publicity ads being all handsome and robust admit that while they might be taking the product they advertise, it's not the only thing they are using to look like that. It is up to the public's interpretation they say.
So now, there is the big interrogative with which I started writing this. I said "The constant fight between doing the right thing and being the best".
An example? Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was big on steroids and publicly admits he doesn't regrets it and that he would do it all over again. At the same time, in other interviews, he says that by looking like that and taking steroids, we are giving the wrong message to aspiring sports kids. Is he implying what I think?- Doing the right thing? not taking steroids. Being the best? doing whatever it takes. Taking steroids.
Another example? Former president George W. Bush. Before becoming president, he sponsored a baseball team whose integrants were all on steroids. This integrants of the team assure that their bosses and sponsors were surely aware of what was going on. After becoming president? he appears on tv saying that taking supplements is cheating, is taking an advantge step to reach our dreams without effort nor merit.

What do you think about this? Are all of America's best like this? Doing whatever it takes to be there? Even if it involves doing things they apparently don't support and are obviously wrong?
Is there any hope for the nation 'under steroids'? And, when are the consecuences to being stonned going to start showing?

This is not a matter of drugs. This is about how much we are capable of doing in order to being the so called 'best'. But to that, I say, the best to whom? To others, or to ourselves?
Consience always hunt us at the end. If we cheat, we'll never be the best to ourselves, because we'll always know we didn't do it the right way. To others? well, from the outside, we'll be the best.

But- is it worth it?

WG

"An eight letter word that startd by T and ends in D"

Today in class a teacher told us a thought that struck me in so many ways.

She said 'Humans are made to trascend'.

At first, I thought 'trascend' meant to be timeless, to leave something behind, to stay in the world after many centuries..

But that wasn't the meaning. 'Transcend' apparently meant to go beyond conventional. To cross the barriers of knowledge, feeling, thought.. To depeen. To do more than what we are expected to, to BE more. Or so she explained.

After I got home, I inmediatly turned on the computer and went into the dictionary.

Transcend stands for:

1. to leak out, to become known

2. to spread, to have a wide effect



Now I see none of us were wrong. It has many meanings, as do a lot of things in life. 'To have a wide effect' states that we must leave something; a chage, perhaps. 'To leak out, to become known, to spread' are all pointing towards the latter. To go beyond. To spread our wings and fly away.

This has officially become one of my new favorite words. I never knew it existed, and now that I do, I can see its profound purpose. I can see why the teacher used it at class.



Of course we are made to do change, to influence, to go beyond standarts.. But usually, people think that by this they need to become president, find the cure to cancer, influence hundreds of thousands.. But it doesn't has to be that way.

Change start in ourselves, and then, it proceeds to reach out for others. I don't mean we should all go out and become world leaders. By teaching one person something important and good, we are trascending.. We are leaving something behind, and as little as it might seem, it is actually huge. It is huge to be capable of changing one person's life. To make that person smile, to encourage, or to simply let the other thinking. Do you guys remember the movie 'Pay It Forward'?

It is that simple. Who would've imagined a little eight year old would begun a chain of teachings and favors that would later include and change for life an entire community? Who would've thought, that by offering his help, he would be giving much more than that, but himself. Literally.

I believe we can do so much if we want to. A little smile, might change someone's day completely. A little favor, might remind some of the importance of helping. A word, might give meaning to a life. And the sharing of our thoughts, might offer clarity.



As for myself, I think I've taught. Not so much as changed, but at least left a bit of wisdom and love to people. Or at least I hope.



WG

"New Era In-The-Make"

"Lions for Lambs". One of my favorite movies. Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep. Stunning.

I saw the movie, and of course I understood its meaning. It shows not how different people react to war, like the description says, but it is about how sometimes our status and race might determine our feelings and thoughts. How sometimes we just prefer to look the other way. How we are not capable of putting ourselves in the line, rather we just wait for someone else to do the hard part. How when we must risk in order to do something big, we give a step back. And blame the circumstances, and sometimes, even other people.

But we must ask ourselves the following question everytime we are tempted to do just that:

If not me, then who? If not now, then when?

What if no one else is considering doing the hard work? What if no one ever does it? Am I going to step down too? Instead of exposing myself, what I intend to do, and I am?



The movie quotes something about this. It says somthing like 'I have never seen so many incredible lions ruled by lambs'

This means, I believe, that unfortunately, in this world, sometimes, those who are strong and courageous enough to put themselves in the line, end up following orders of those who aren't even capable to give a one hundred percent. By those, that are only seeking for their own comodities and interests rather than the really important purposes for which the workers (or lions) actually work for. How everything we humans do with our hands, we destroy it with our feet.

We need a world ruled and lived by lions. By people that are able to engage. Like the two students in the movie that enlisted to go to warm stated. What America needs is the engagement of all. We need to all work for each other and for a better whole.

We can't still live with the American dream of being rich and living in a big white house in the suburbs. There has to be a new American dream. I believe this economic recession and new politics have shown us that much. America needs change. The dream, has to now be different. It has to be of a place were the poorest has the indispensable food, health and education. Of a place were rich don't exist to exploit others, rather to help them climb. I don't mean socialism. I don't mean the equality of all men. I mean the equality of opportunities and rights. In social justice. The stretch between extremely liberal and exploitive capitalism and a mediocre socialism.

It is time to keep going. It is time to not look backwards but forward. Time to forget and forgive. A time for brand new beginnings and opportunities. If we accept this change, and work with it, the benefits will be countless. We must learn from the past mistakes and evolve.

"There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must change or else pay more for remaining the same"

WG

"Killers"

"While everyone lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done" All these things that I've done- The Killers.

"Are we human, or are we dancers?" Human- The Killers.

"Jealously, taking saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, chocking on your alibies,
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside" Mr. Brightside- The Killers.

"The Bible's blind, the Torah's deaf, the Q'uran is mute,
If you burn them all together you get close to the truth" Four Winds- The Killers.

"Pay my respects to grace and virtue.
Send my condolences to good.
Give my regards to soul and romance, they always did the best they could.
And so long to devotion, that taught me verything I know" Human- The Killers

"In a darkroom of scary options"

"Pain is innevitable, suffering is optional"



"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed"



Pain and fear are good. They teach us, and make us stronger, braver, more courageous. But we must also control them at all times. We need to know that pain is understandable, neccessary, but that we just can't afford to suffer and make ourselves miserables over absolutely anything. As my mom sometimes says, we are born and dead alone. Fact. Face it. You are the only thing you've truly got and can change. The other stuff, might be equally important, but must remain in a status of plus. Not of neccessity.
As for fear, I know this is hard, but we must not panic. Today, one girl in the class was talking about how she got kidnapped, her reactions, what she felt, and how she was able to be afraid, but at the same time in control and ready. I found it so admirable. Some say it was just survival instict, nevertheless, it takes effort and consicence to remain calmed in moments like those. Calmed in the meaning of having peace. Of not freaking out. Of being aware, but of also being able to manage the situation smartly.
She came out of it perfect. Now, she has developed a trauma. She is seeing a psycologist. It has to be hard to be kidnapped by your three year chauffeur. To finally understand how difficult it is to trust. To rely on someone after that.
I have problems like those. Not of trauma, but of trust. I just find it difficult to put my life or personal issues in the hands of a third person. And 'forgive and forget'? also hard. I can forgive and never even think about the problem. But after something happens, it is practically impossible for me to trust that person again. I can't forget. I don't hold grudges, though. But am very trustless. Which is why I have grown to be such an independent woman. I am accostumed to do everything by myself. To control everything. If I get help at anything, I'm always in charge. I'm used to that kind of situations. I try to delegate as little as possible. All me. Part to make sure everything goes out like I wanted, part because of trust issues, part because I like to do my own work...
Mostly because of pain and fear. Fear it won't be as I wanted it.
I must definately work on that this year. Yet another goal. Trust people and being afraid it might not turn out as perfect as I wanted, but letting other try nevertheless. Being in control, but not overly authoritive. Delegate. Control myself. Forget. Trust again. Learn that not everything is black and white. People change. Circumstances sometimes push us to do things we don't want to.
Evolve. Improve. Be better.

WG

"Treasure Hunt"

Once upon a time, the elfs came to earth and hid a gift in the souls of men and women. The gift of happiness.
After they left, men and women started the infinite quest of the pursuit of happiness, most of them believing that this beautiful gift would be found on the outside, somewhere, hidden on the inside of clothes, cars, certificates, tickets, or even in other persons.
But very few of them considered the idea that happiness was on their inside. That happiness, was not about the momentanious joy found in parties or purchases; but the indefinite peace and smile coming from enjoying every moment of our lives, from drinking a glass of water to running a marathon.
Happiness is unrestricted, independent and unattached. We cannot tie our happiness to a moment, place, circumstance or even to a person. Because what if these moments, places, circumstances and persons ceased to exist?
We need to start a new quest. The quest of finding ourselves and our happiness from the inside-out. The personal enjoyment of every second of every minute of our daily lives.
We need to stop seeing what is missing in our life. What is yet to be done. And start focusing on what we already have. To live in happiness instead of fantasies.

It's all inside ourselves.
What sickens people, the rain or the virus?
The virus.
So why don't we go all out and dance eternally in the rain?

WG

"R vs. E"

Reasons vs. Excuses.


We invent excuses when we are scared. When we are afraid the truths might catch up with us. It is not that we don't know it, because we freak out in the moments when the true reasons face us. So we make up millions and trillions of lame, cliche excuses to fill in the blanks. To protect our feelings. To protect a reputation. To keep up a screen.

I once invented an excuse. A really lame excuse for something I wanted big time. Out of pride. And fear of being vulnerable.

Last year, a group of graduate students from my school were organizing a team of the best girls to go to an international debate. In order to pick the members of the team, they created an SAT/grammar/current events test for every intersted student. I passed the test, in the top ten. But then, a more difficult stage came. All girls that passed the test had an interview with the graduate students. Then, they would pick the best.

I did my interview, and, well, it wasn't good. First, they put me a trick question about walls and paintings and practicity, and I got completely blocked and answered the most retarted thing ever. It didn't even made sense. My arguments were pathetic. Unpractical.

Then, they put me to sell a plastic bag of chips. I had to make it look delicious somehow. So, I stood up and said a few things, did as if I was eating it, put a yummy face, and was very commercial. I guess it lacked enthusiasm or maybe even character. They didn't like it either.

Then they asked me something about a presidential candidate and I had no idea.

They told be to try harder at some point. Then the worst part came when they asked me to tag myself. My answer was: amazing. I mean, that's like the most unspecific tag ever! It's like if I didn't knew myself enough to come up with something better. It was a nightmare.

The point is, I didn't get to the team. My best friend did, though. I was.. embarassed. I felt dum, stupid, inefficent, uncapable. I didn't knew what to say when they asked me if I had gotten in.

Of course I put up the whole charade of 'I don't really care, I was just curious of how an interview was' and made fun of the girls that interviewed me. But I only did it because I was so vulnerable and sad on the inside.. I felt as if I was falling appart, and I didn't want to admit it. Too much pride on the line.

So this year, well, there are going to be try-outs again. I honestly don't know what to do. I already gave everyone the excuse that I wasn't going to have enough time or whatever. And that the girls in charge hated me. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. (The girls aren't fond of me, though. Honestly). Real reason? I'm scared I don't make the team yet again. I would definately be a looser. I mean, the girl that tries two times and doesn't get it anyways?. I know I always talk about risking it all and being fearless and expiriencing and not being scared and not caring what people say about you.. Because I am certain those are the right things to do. I know the right thing to do, is to try again even if I'm putting my pride and self confidence on the line. But I'm scared nevertheless. And not of being the looser to everyone else in school, but to being a looser to myself. I am so demanding with myself I sometimes feel really miserable. Because I am the kind of person that will tell you that failures aren't bad but never lets herself fail.

Not getting into the team for the first time felt like a punch in the gut. I can't even think about my pride's state if I try and don't achieve in round two. But then again, what if I try and get in? What if I miss my last chance?



Reasons vs. Excuses.

The final verdict?

Reasons win. Always. Even if you are the only one that knows them. Excuses won't make you feel better. Even if you end up believing them, there will always be that little voice in your head whispering the reasons. Reminding you, that you can't get away merely with excuses.

The truth never leaves us alone. Ever. Restlessly telling us what we missed by not wanting to pay attention to them, but instead focusing in looking for strategies whose purpose would be to cover and hide our failures.



The fix always leaves a mark. When you have a wound, you go to the surgeon. The surgeon puts the broken flesh back together. But even the best surgeon, leaves his mark. That little pink line. That spot in uneven color. That piece of ultra-sensitive skin.

And no matter what you do to forget, you will always remember the time when you fell down the stairs for tripping with the stilettos you left the night before in the middle of the corridor in a drunk run towards your room.
I should know. I failed and am making up excuses while dealing with the real reasons in my head.



WG